Huxley

Did anyone else catch the not so commonly used expression I used at the end of my last blog post? I sure as hell didn’t. As far as I was concerned, there are red-bellied cowards. Aren’t they the only kind? Yeah, until I was informed that the saying is yellow-bellied…Yellow! Whoops. But my screw up makes sense if you know me. I am the type of person who counts eggs before they hatch, not chickens, because why would you count chickens? Just as you should not keep all those aforementioned eggs in one basket. Or, in my case, do not keep all your fish in one basket. Because, who doesn’t keep their fish in baskets? Yes, that’s right. I said that. I have also hit the hammer on the nail and the head on the hammer, things have cost me an arm and a foot, I have barked up the wrong forest, I have beat around the roses,  I have seen the tiger in the room, not an elephant, because really, how could an elephant even get through the door? All of these and more have acquired me the nickname Huxley, for those of you who can even remember that movie (If you don’t, go watch it, it’s so good! If you like that kind of thing. Again, that’s only my opinion.). Demolition Man, circa 1993, with Sylvestor Stallone and Sandra Bullock, who plays this do-gooder cop who loves all the phrases and expressions […]

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Into the Belly of A Doughnut, or, Randi Jo is a Big Fat Coward

For lack of a better way to put this, I have had some major sinus problems lately. Like stuffy, runny nose all. the. time. Like for months (yes, this problem makes me revert to teen-speak, like, it’s that bad). Really though, it’s driving me crazy. I practically had a trip to Mexico planned to have my teeth removed and implants put in because my top teeth hurt so bad until my dentist suggested the pain may be from my sinuses and not the fact that I have the teeth of a baby inside my adult head. Not only did I nearly have perfectly good body parts removes because of my stuffy nose, but I’m starting to look like the Living Walking Dead, by which I mean my skin is not rotting and peeling off my body and I can mostly walk in a functional manner, but my eyes are so black I could pass as a zombie. At one point a friend saw me without undereye makeup and shrieked, “Do you have a blood disorder?” Yeah, it was lovely. Finally having enough of this, I decided to go back to the doctor and whine and complain until he decided to finally do something about this (besides giving me some kind of nasal spray that felt like tiny darts impaling themselves across the front of my forehead). He sent me for a CT scan. I have never had a CT scan before and I […]

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