Hate is Such a Strong Word

My cat hates me. Well, she’s not my cat, she’s my son’s, but I’m the one home with her all day; the one who feeds her, who saves her from the dogs, who talk to her, who suggested getting her in the first place. And do I get any thanks? Hell no. Not only that, but she likes/tolerates (she is a cat, after all) everyone in the family…EXCEPT ME! I walk into a room where she’s been sitting quietly and she jumps down from her perch and leaves. I pick her up and she instantly stops purring and clamors to get away. I talk to her and she gives me the stink eye. So fine, if she wants to be like that, I’ll just hate her right back. Isn’t that the way it goes? And yet, I can’t. I often chalk it up to her being a cat, they’re supposed to be like that, aren’t they? And I take solace in the fact that my dogs trail after me all day and look pathetic when I leave and then ridiculously happy when I return. They love me, so it’s not that I’m unlovable. It’s obviously the cat’s problem. But that doesn’t mean I have to like her. Or be nice to her, right? I’m not talking about the cat. Well, I am, but I’m not. The cat is so reflective of the rest of my life. Over the past couple […]

Read More →

The Crushing Pain of Conforming, aka, The Terrible Task of Parenting a Savage

Okay, this is one of those blogs, that inevitable one where a parent must write about their child. This is that one, I think. I’m never really sure until I get to the end. This morning I was packing my son’s backpack and found his homework sheet that he’d (ahem, finally!) remembered to bring home from school. At first I got ready to get angry at him because I thought he’d forgotten again, that this was last week’s homework sheet and he’d forgotten to bring home the current one for the third time. Why? Because it was completed. Every blank space was filled in. Every math question answered. He had nothing to do but review. Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?! This is not normal for my son. Homework is a struggle. School is a struggle. Sitting down for five goddamn minutes and paying attention to anything is a struggle. Except Lego and Video Games. He’s got that mastered to an art of hours-long mind-numbing focus. Which is why I don’t think he’s ADHD. And why he’s not medicated. But also why some days I really wish he was if only to make the struggle that is school a little easier. Why must school just be something to survive? To get through? Why must I dread going to pick up my son and facing the teacher to hear of the daily¬†transgressions and messes he has accomplished while let loose among 29 other 7-year-olds who are […]

Read More →

My Enlightened Shadow-Side

So I was listening to a meditation this morning (no, don’t worry, I’m not going to get all enlightened on you. For one, I don’t know how. For two, well, just refer back to one) and it talked about opening up to our dark sides, the areas of our lives we’d rather not look at…our Shadow-Side. And in doing so, we would be modeling a way¬†for others in bringing our darkness into the light. And I thought to myself, I do that all the time! Look at me, I’m an enlightened soul! Okay, not so much. But it did get me thinking a little and wondering why exactly I feel so compelled to point out my flaws, my screw ups, my stupid assumptions all over facebook and now on this blog. And when it comes down to it, I write it because those are the funny bits. Those are the parts of my life that make me laugh (and this is all about me remember, so if it makes ME laugh, I’m putting it on here. Who cares about you! Okay, I’m kidding. I couldn’t even let that go without a disclaimer. Definitely an overactive need-to-please gland…). But getting back to things: my flaws, my screw ups, those are what makes me, well, me. They’re what make me quirky and funny and sometimes annoying and sometimes endearing, depending who you talk to. And isn’t that true for all of us? […]

Read More →

Hopeless

So, I sat down to write a blog about digs. Not archaeological digs or wellsite digs, but personal ones. You know, those little comments and jabs that get put out there by people to cut you down but that are too subtle or quiet or twisted to be able to actually call them on the insult. But then something happened. What, you ask? It’s embarrassing, but I forgot the website of my blog. Can you believe it? Yes. I’m that much of an idiot that I forgot my very own blog’s website. That’s what happens when you start something then take three weeks off (for holidays, caring of children, laziness, summer… all the stuff that gets in the way of what you really want to do). And the funny thing is, the dig I got this morning was from a woman who was making some kind of comment on how I was put together and ready to go this morning. Ha! If she only knew! And that’s the problem, isn’t it? We don’t know. We never know. It is impossible to truly know what is happening inside another person and yet, we judge them. Why else would we make those little digs to cut them down but to try to make ourselves feel better for the perceived inadequacies that some part of another person has helped bring to the surface. That woman was bitter and jealous at me because I, […]

Read More →