On September 22, 2015, the Independent Press in the UK posted this picture. Brutal, isn’t it? A tiny boy, dead, washed up on shore. A refugee, part of a group of 11 Syrian refugees trying to flee the horror that was their home. This picture was on the front cover of newspapers and magazines, the talk of radio and television […]
The Building of an Office and Elementary School Trauma.
You know those movies where multiple story lines are going all at once that seem completely unconnected but slowly come together in some huge climactic culmination? I love those kinds of movies, I think perhaps because they remind me so much of my own life. How can a movie with multiple characters remind me of my life, you ask? No, I do not have split personality disorder. But think about it for a moment… There are so many aspects to our lives, so many roles we play, so many hats we put on that we end up playing many different characters within this one lifetime: child, sibling, spouse, adult, teenager, friend, enemy and so forth. We are playing multiple parts at any given time. Look at the person whose career is skyrocketing while his homelife is failing. Or the one who seems to have a plethora of friends and family but no time for a career, or their health? Doesn’t it sometimes feels like so many parts of us are going in opposite directions and we just need them to come together, but have no idea if or when that will ever happen? That is how I am beginning to feel, or have felt for a long time. I’ve been very aware of the various hats I try to fill and how I only manage to get them about half way until I’m pulled in another direction, never feeling like […]
I sat down to write this morning, or just now, and was caught up listening to the new Christmas playlist I’d made. So I figured, instead of working on my novel, I’d take the time to enjoy the music a little and write a blog instead. And then up came Chuck Wendig’s blog post of the morning and it left me so completely…well, I don’t even know. I’m sitting here stunned. Moved. You know that feeling when someone says something that stops you from continuing on as the ignoramus that you were? It like you were all happy and ready to move forward, tail in hand, direct line established and then someone walks up, puts a blindfold around your eyes, spins you around about fifteen times and then pushes you forward saying, “There, go find the tail on that donkey now!” That’s how I feel. Like he spun me around just enough to lose my bearings. To take this life I’m living, that I think I’m pretty okay with, and make me wonder if I’m not seeing things clearly enough. And I take a great deal of pride in the fact that I try to see the world pretty equally, that I try to see things from both sides, have empathy for others. But then you read something like that and wonder, “Am I doing enough?” “Do I really see things from all sides?” “When have I been close-minded and too privileged […]
My Enlightened Shadow-Side.
Did anyone else catch the not so commonly used expression I used at the end of my last blog post? I sure as hell didn’t. As far as I was concerned, there are red-bellied cowards. Aren’t they the only kind? Yeah, until I was informed that the saying is yellow-bellied…Yellow! Whoops. But my screw up makes sense if you know me. I am the type of person who counts eggs before they hatch, not chickens, because why would you count chickens? Just as you should not keep all those aforementioned eggs in one basket. Or, in my case, do not keep all your fish in one basket. Because, who doesn’t keep their fish in baskets? Yes, that’s right. I said that. I have also hit the hammer on the nail and the head on the hammer, things have cost me an arm and a foot, I have barked up the wrong forest, I have beat around the roses, I have seen the tiger in the room, not an elephant, because really, how could an elephant even get through the door? All of these and more have acquired me the nickname Huxley, for those of you who can even remember that movie (If you don’t, go watch it, it’s so good! If you like that kind of thing. Again, that’s only my opinion.). Demolition Man, circa 1993, with Sylvestor Stallone and Sandra Bullock, who plays this do-gooder cop who loves all the phrases and expressions […]
For lack of a better way to put this, I have had some major sinus problems lately. Like stuffy, runny nose all. the. time. Like for months (yes, this problem makes me revert to teen-speak, like, it’s that bad). Really though, it’s driving me crazy. I practically had a trip to Mexico planned to have my teeth removed and implants put in because my top teeth hurt so bad until my dentist suggested the pain may be from my sinuses and not the fact that I have the teeth of a baby inside my adult head. Not only did I nearly have perfectly good body parts removes because of my stuffy nose, but I’m starting to look like the Living Walking Dead, by which I mean my skin is not rotting and peeling off my body and I can mostly walk in a functional manner, but my eyes are so black I could pass as a zombie. At one point a friend saw me without undereye makeup and shrieked, “Do you have a blood disorder?” Yeah, it was lovely. Finally having enough of this, I decided to go back to the doctor and whine and complain until he decided to finally do something about this (besides giving me some kind of nasal spray that felt like tiny darts impaling themselves across the front of my forehead). He sent me for a CT scan. I have never had a CT scan before and I […]
I have not published a blog in a long time. And when it comes down to it, my blog posts have been very few. This was because I had it in my head that I needed to be witty, or funny, or informative in order to follower in the footsteps of other bloggers and write something that others wanted to actually read. Like those blogs that teach you things, or help inspire you to live a better life, or are expertly written to provide its followers with a plethora of information they would not have received otherwise. I am not an expert…on anything. Neither am I particularly witty, funny, or intelligent (I’m not stupid, but I am rather average. Nothing special there), I just happen to like words and the sound of my own voice. So instead of waiting for some kind of theme to thread its way through my posts, I’ve decided to go on without one. This will now become my platform to yell into the void, to shout at the universe all the words jumbling about inside my head. Take it or leave it, but this is what it has to be. I am a writer and I just want to write. Follow me or don’t follow me, I will continue my cries! Which leaves me with nothing. Nothing except my visit to the dentist this morning. Ah! And that’s when you all leave. Because who wants to hear about anyone’s visit to the […]
The writing life is hard. Being a writer is a lonely job. Getting published is almost impossible. Ways to avoid the slush pile. Agents decline hundreds of queries each week. Who do you think you are? All of these are just tiny snippets of thoughts that run through my head every single time I sit down at my computer. And then, if I look to writing books and blogs as inspiration, I again meet those same arguments and worse. There is nothing I have ever come across in my readings on writing and the writing life that have been totally positive. No one has said, “We are so excited you want to be a writer! It’s a great life and a great journey and everything comes up roses!” Why is that? Why is this such a negative industry to get your start in? Because it is, I guess. I mean, I’ve barely brushed the surface. A few blog entries, another blog I can’t seem to figure out how to connect to this one from years ago, unfinished manuscripts, finished but terrible manuscripts, many book ideas and starts, tand two rejections until I decided to quit, only because I went back to find that my book was not ready, not even near ready and so the editing has begun. Editing that does not ever seem like it will be done. Editing that one day is great, where I read a chapter and […]
So, I sat down to write a blog about digs. Not archaeological digs or wellsite digs, but personal ones. You know, those little comments and jabs that get put out there by people to cut you down but that are too subtle or quiet or twisted to be able to actually call them on the insult. But then something happened. What, you ask? It’s embarrassing, but I forgot the website of my blog. Can you believe it? Yes. I’m that much of an idiot that I forgot my very own blog’s website. That’s what happens when you start something then take three weeks off (for holidays, caring of children, laziness, summer… all the stuff that gets in the way of what you really want to do). And the funny thing is, the dig I got this morning was from a woman who was making some kind of comment on how I was put together and ready to go this morning. Ha! If she only knew! And that’s the problem, isn’t it? We don’t know. We never know. It is impossible to truly know what is happening inside another person and yet, we judge them. Why else would we make those little digs to cut them down but to try to make ourselves feel better for the perceived inadequacies that some part of another person has helped bring to the surface. That woman was bitter and jealous at me because I, […]