Out With Expectation

This morning I was sitting in my chair in my little corner of my office, journaling. Sometimes I just randomly write down my thoughts and other times I puzzle through things that are bothering me. Today, it was the latter. I was trying to figure out why I’d been so frustrated and angry and disappointed and upset lately (yes, I know, I sound like I’ve just been a ton o’ fun, well, here’s a shocker: I haven’t). This morning I was going through all the things that I’d been promised, assured of, or even hoped for, that I knew were never going to happen. Yes, I was wallowing in self-pity, but I was upset. No, disappointed, because I’d gotten my hopes up for things that I knew just weren’t going to happen. Things that I’d now either have to figure out how to do myself (in some cases, a long shot but not impossible) or just give up on entirely. So then, I asked myself. If these were things that I cannot fix or change or build or adjust, if these things I wanted were outside my power to bring to fruition, did I want to sit here and let it make me miserable or did I want to figure out a way to move on from it. I was putting all my eggs in someone else’s basket waiting for them to do it for me instead of seeing what was […]

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Naked Face

I have to swim in a swim meet next weekend and I am freaking out. Okay, wait a minute, let me rephrase that. I do not HAVE to do anything. I need to take ownership of this, of all that I do. Especially since, if you want me NOT to do something, all you have to do is try to […]

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So, What Do You Do?

I got that question today. The dreaded, “So, what do you do?” I can usually see it coming, there’s a specific way people go about saying it. It starts on a high note, the first word is often a little longer than the rest of them, but it is always after the same thing. Sometimes it’s, “What do you do […]

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Damn Relationships!

I have been addictively watching Sons of Anarchy lately, catching up on what I have missed. As in, the entire series. My life has been overtaken. I could sit here and write pages of what I love about it (the pace, the need to kill bad guys, Jax), life lessons I’ve learned from it (like, don’t double cross your gang members or you get ripped apart…literally), and so forth, but I’m not going to. Just do an Internet search of the Sons and there are enough people doing just that. So why then, did I mention it? Because there is one thing that draws me the most to this show, and it’s not the violence or the bikes or the vests (patches I guess I should call it to remain true to the show). It’s the way they handle conflict. And I don’t mean conflict in a literary story-writing sense, but interpersonal conflict. It’s how the characters solve their own shit that keeps me coming back every. single. day (because we are in the time of netflix people, binge watching is how it is). No, I do not mean how they deal with conflict on a large scale, like, someone turned rat and now must die. I mean, how they deal with it among friends. I’m actually jealous of it. There is no beating around the bush, there is no passive-aggressiveness, there is no silent treatment. There is only in-your-faceness. […]

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